By: B George 02/02/22

There are many mistakes I have made in my 34 years on this absurd world. But the single biggest mistake I have ever made in my life was becoming a fan of the New York Jets. My father is a New York Giants fan. My brother is a New York Giants fan. But me, being a stupid dumb kid, decided to become a New York Jets fan because I wanted to be different. I wanted to be a contrarian to my father and brother.  Needless to say, the next 25 years of my Jets fandom has been filled with insanity and heartbreak.  I wish I can go into some time machine from Avengers Endgame and switch the trajectory of my football fandom to be filled with less stress and eye poison, but this is the real world and not some billion-dollar movie. And the man at the center of that, the man who tortured me so much that he should be in jail for it, named Thomas Edward Patrick Brady Jr, has finally, FINALLY, decided to retire.

The history of Tom Brady’s “rivalry” with the Jets is one filled with many bludgeoning’s and very, very few (maybe 3?) “bright spots.” The man literally treated us like the red headed stepchild for each and every bit of the two decades that he was dominating the league on his way to be the greatest winner in team sports.

 The fact that the Jets are in part responsible for his career getting started with the Mo Lewis hit on Drew Bledsoe where even in my early teen years I literally thought a man had died on the football field is probably the most “Jets” thing ever.

There’s the 30-7! Record against the Jets in his 22 year career which is probably the saddest thing in professional sports. The Jets were probably better off just taking the coin toss in those 37 games, shake Tom Brady’s hand, and just say good game and walk straight off the field and take the forfeit to save the embarrassment of being a poor excuse of a football team. Tom Brady is the 3-star Michelin star high cuisine restaurant and the Jets were the dollar menu at McDonalds.

To finally finish the job off one last time, right before he rides off into the sunset, he shows the Jets one last time that he was our daddy. The Jets in another lost season were actually beating Tom Brady! He decides to drive 93 yards in the final minutes of the game to score the game winning touchdown with :13 seconds left to give the Jets and their fans one last middle finger as he heads out the door.

 So, as Tom Brady retires home to his billionaire super model wife, his 7 rings, his millions of dollars, and probably one last MVP to boot, I say thanks for the nightmare’s you son of a bitch, and I hope you never come back. But let’s face it, he’s probably going to come back at 75 years of age to promote the TB12 method and win one more ring. I wouldn’t put it past him. And the Jets will probably still only have one Super Bowl trophy. The god damn Jets.